What I Didn't Like About It: The flow fell off in a lot of points. More than I'm used to seeing when I read your pieces.

What I Did Like: Nothing..........just kidding. You put a lot of emotion into this. Which can somewhat make up for the lack of flow. I know when you're trying to portray something that actually happened, or something that's based on an event. It can sometimes be hard to find the right words, and still make it all flow consistently. There were strong feelings behind it though and they were thoroughly conveyed. You had fairly good imagery, I could picture a lot of it as it was happening. Oops, forgot something in the not likes. I didn't like the transition phase. It was very abrupt. You pulled it off, but it could have been so much doper if you elaborated. I guess Maven already stated that though. Anyway, not a bad Piece Chrit. I like reading these kind of Open Mics. Kudos

Plz check this...it's getting slept on.

Problems:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108962