^That's exactly what came to my mind as I was reading it. Dear God, you should try rewriting it in that manner. This piece would be insane if that were the case. Nonetheless, very nice. Nothing I didn't like about it....and I've always got some sort of negative for people's Open Mics

Plz check this out.

Problems:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108962