I'm going to agree with everyone in this thread... it was good for a first piece but it did lack some key elements to a hot verse. Like that one cat mentioned, maybe using internals would elevate your rhymes, but that's not everyones style. Sometimes I use them and sometimes not... usually comes off better when I do... so def consider that next time.

I like the realness of the subject, but it was kind of backpack-ish ya know... try to get on some more creative topics... try to right a whole verse based on one thing rather then a general topic. Just some of my thoughts... good drop though.