This was alright.....just lose the CAPS in the piece though, kinda hurts the eyes a bit or it just might be from being late lol...structure needs some work though, try to even the lines out a bit though man to help the structure out a lot....vocab was ok.....try adding some multies to this though to make it better....the flow in this was alright....but for your first piece it was ok...keep elevating and keep at it man