Hey Gyrl,
This is a really heartfelt piece, one that will make you sympathize with/for someone you've never even met.I had a vivid image of everything you were saying in each line..If you wanted to improve, there wouldn't be much concept wise, but structurally, balance out the lines so that they flow a little more easy and maybe use a little more vocab/literary techniques to plant emotions into the readers from a different yet effective angle..But I agree, sometimes when you write in the heat of the moment, it sort of cheapens the piece to go back and change it a little, takes away some of its authenticity..So this is great the way it is gyrl, stay up, things will get easier..
Pz