It was a nice read, cute and to the point. Flow was there, but the structure took away from it a bit. The scheme was simply and fit the tone of the story, so it worked in this aspect. I think you could work on some of the mismatched lines, in order to clean up the strucuture. You could have elevated the vocabulary a bit, added some deeper emotion to your writing style. Ohter than the technical aspects I pointed out here, there not too much to work on. I enjoyed the read, and suggest you work out the structure...

Nice read...

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FUCKA BABYLON BANDIT!!!