chrit- hmmm
the story telling was dope. There were loads of twists and turns, and it kept me hanging on until the last stanza. The only problem is, I think somwhere in the middle it stopped being a rap and started being a story. The flow died. Also, try adding internal rhyming, and maybe some multies. It makes it all look nicer.

Bribe-the colours were cool, but I was not aware that the yellow was called hesistation. "oh shiet, the hesitation light is on! better slow down!"...sorry.

Your story was dope. I really liked the idea of the journal, and it was cool how it progressed from childhood to...I guess teenage years? and then to the conclusion. You had a strong opener that kept me reading, the violin line was dopeness. Good twist at the end.

v/K Largo

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis