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Old 01-28-04, 08:30 AM   #2
Dev
1E
 
Posts: 1,512
From: N.E.England
IP:

thought it started off weak, dont rhyme with the same words, its boring... the actual story was decent, but the way you worded it, made it hard to get a flow... some places didnt even rhyme... ttry carrying the rhyming further.... so decent concept, jus lacked in the execution a bit.....
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