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Originally Posted by VanIllabymidnite
Alright, your structure was good, you could use a little work on your rhyme schem and vocab. Just keep working on it and you'll get better.
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thanx, this is actually one of my first ones i ever wrote, i know that vocab kinda blows reason for it is that i dropped out of high school and never got good grades in english, i'll try to work on the vocab a lil though. any other comments would be great, i got other rhymes comin up so check 'em too and let me know whas up.. peace..