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Old 01-28-04, 01:26 PM   #9
.:LadySage:.
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I agree with Nec and Filed, the concept you have is good, and this is a good start, I just think you should go over this again and re-write it to give it more emotion, and strength, more of your experession, b/c it was kind of weak.To help, pay attention to the words you use, try to pick those that express more, like instead of using "happy" say something like "overwhelming bliss"... i dont know if that was a good example, but i think you get what i mean. I think it would be better also if you added more, got more indepth, and elaborated the story some. This piece was ok... soem constructive criticism... keep writing
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