Yo Yo Yo.. sort the structure out.. the rhyming words got lost as I was getting further through the whole verse.. You had some good ideas, but executed them poorly.. look for words that fit in well to help the flow..
Punches were okay.. but overall the structure did your verse bad damage..
D.liver.E - structure was alot better.. some creative punches used..
Lacked in some places but seemed to be a better verse overall..

Vote - D.liver.E

Return the favour.. I need just one more vote - http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=110472