Quote:
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Originally Posted by jreal
now ya have them beggin to stop
they pop a nigga off top
now yous poppin a cop
hah im straight puttin it down for my block
i make sure you hear JAY Real about the consequence
insteadof glorifin a lifestyle that lacks any type of commonsense
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^ Needs work, your lines in the beginning were very simple. Your rhyming top, with cop. Know what I mean? Then, you got line afterwards, that don't match up syllable wise, try to get a structure that evens out your lines, all the way down. It will give the reader a better flow, and will look alot nicer.
Quote:
It took me an open and a close mind
it took a lack of compromise and findin some truth in lies
Yo it takes a sense of focus and clear mindstate
it takes shape and destiny and acceptin fate
So take reality now before it might be too late
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^ This wasn't bad, tho, you have very short bars, you need to get more detailed, give it some imagery, and add some metaphors to this. It would make it just a lil more interesting. Better, but could still use help.
Quote:
Take lessons and learn to be true to the E.S
realize not to fuck wit a solja
its takes self creation notin less
i make this my art,my culture,my release
my outlet by means through which i reveal the beast
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^ Feeling the last line, tho like I said on the previous sections, need to get more complex with your lines, your still in the beginning stage it seems like.
Keep writing, find a writing structure that fits you, and when you drop an open mic. Try to think about a topic, and write on it. Use a dictionary, and or thesaurus by all means. The more words you have in your head, the more words you can rhyme with, plus vocab is sometimes a +.
Keep up kid.