This was a really nice read, it was easy to follow and the word choice made for good visualizations. And like the guy said above, the only thing that I can really see that's wrong with this at all is the starts of your sentences, it doesn't really take away but it would make it nicer if you used more variety to start out sentences.
I'd be very greatful if you could vote on a battle I had awhile ago, no one will vote on it and I've been replying to stuff on here for awhile, if not that's cool to but if you could that'd be good, it's vs KLO