Saviour

this newby guy thinks im about giving him a tight welcome,
but i wont, not to anyone where are you from
weak opening, not understanding it, wack punch and horrible rhyme
you cant just come along and say lets battle or lets play,
its not that easy, cuz you dont have the slightesr idea of what 2 say
wow.. no punch at all, you just stated things, no diss
just get out of here and gimme your mommy`s phone
i dont like her, but i want u to see this and i feel alone
wow.... your alone? u just made fun of ya self, try to diss him not u
youre just prewritting something so you can say some shit
i can concentrate, im looking for your lil sister`s clit
no punch again.. lil sister shit was just wrong and wack, how u know he has one? and the rhyme was basic, clit and shit..
dont be so motherfucking jealous, puertoricanelly,
suck my cock and try Da Saviour`s special flavours jelly!
horrible closer with no punch at all...expand on ya idea even though it wasnt that good

Saviour - try to expand on ya punches.. to start just write out some ideas and disses and no rhyme at all...then go back and add in a first line.....u dont have to make that rhyme either. then you will have your idea down on what you want to say so then u can edit the words and make the diss rhyme, changing it into a punch. Take a trip to Wackness Emergancy Center too and i can help u more there


Puertorican


ok first of all, ya struct was wack and i couldnt break it down the way it was so i made it better for u

who the fuck named u da savior,
i was gonna be nice but now im giving you time to leave and do yo self a favor/
first line had no punch and was weak, 2nd line was played but ok
yo i might be a newbie but im still number #1,
yo girl said you were her first but shes havin my son/
not really a direct punch...coula re-worded it to make it better
where you get off talkin about cocks,
i didnt know you roll like that i was tryin a put dis battle on lock/
not a punch really again...try to be more direct and diss him
but if you wanna get hard
i fuck yo ass up like your the prisoner and im the gaurd/
actually was the best punch in this battle.. again you coulda re worded it and made it much better
u seem ta be the kinda nigga that make me sick ta ma belly,
cuz you dont rap you rape girls like r kelly/
the r kelly line was played.. and the first line wasnt good[/b]
lets be real dawg that in conclusion
its no confusion that yo ass is losin
basic closer that just stated the truth

overall - both werent very good and need Extreme elevation...both of you go to Wackness Emergancy Center and find out how to make better punches...all of ya punches were basic, try to add metas and personals in them...wordplay makes the verse more complex also and if your rhyme scheme is good that will do it too...dont rhyme simple words like cock and lock, shit and clit etc..but Puertorican took this for actually having 1 ok punch, the rest were dumb and played from both..

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