View Single Post
Old 01-31-04, 08:42 AM   #13
OutCome
Rare One
 
Posts: 327
From: B.831
IP:

Yo..yo. :K:takes so much time, his pace can decay these bones,
Dawg, its time to pay your wage, so often like pre-paid phones,
eh, not feeling your opening here.. The flow is decent, but basic. Metaphor could be better. pounch is alright
Allow me to cave in his rib-cage so all beef is deciest and gone,
Fitted with flow you cant say I'm sick cuz 'ill' has been worn,
your metaphor is here alright, wordplay is decent, but your not directing your punch well enough
My type of begining'll make ya' regret ya' fucking skillz were born,
Chills ya as I'm 'cummin', this 'fillin' wouldn't hesistate to killa cop,
eh, flow came off a little... meta isnt the best and i thought your follow through needed some help
Grill ya' until you get hot, you work a pogo stick n' think ya hip-hop,
But stop and think 'frozen' son, These threads I'm steady closing em',
nice concept on your setup, but your follow through needed some help. better punch would have worked it more
He got picked to batle me and niggah thinks he's the chosen one,
Blowing blunts n' lost em, his life has cost em, as death will cross him,
follow through seemed more of a filler type ish
Fa' eva comin, I lost him, stop me? He must think he's a Trojan condomn,
Bombed him, stomped him, for 5 wins has harmed him,
filler, not much of a punch here
Luck couldn't help, if 'WB's' whiches came and 'charmed' him....
ending meta isnt bad.. punch is good, not that bad of an ending

Over all i thought you had an alright verse. Your punchs were alright metaphors could have been a little bit better but decent for the most part. Now your personals i thought could have been in there more.

Punchs-3
personals-1
metaphors-4
rhyme shceme-3
multis-4

15/25




ite soz rly didnt see this keying up na......................

Fucka Bomb bitch...cause im sure thats the only thing your dropping,
i can tell your shit was done in a rush..simular to christmas shopping,
decent opening.. nice metaphor, good play off his name... follow through was a good punch
bombz is simular to carpet..the way hes getting flored,
K could walk into the red light district..and still wudn't get whored,
heh, good metaphor.. punch is straight
already merked you twice...so this is just another one to my list,
your like a blind felidermite boxing..all your punches mist,
nice punch.. follow through is good,metaphor was on
i no this is a game of chance like poker..but ill still smash this joker(sig),
what im tripping on is how bombz is a herb..but still k is doper?,
alright bar i guess
6-lines 8-lines 10? dawg it really don't matter,
bombz is just another fish on a plate...enterd the chipy..
......just about to get batterd...........................
kind of a weak ending but decent concept

Over all your verse was good, nice concepts in there and it flowed pretty well.. The mutlis i thought were lacking but your metaphors made up for that i thought.
Could have used a few personals thought ( few more)

Punchs-4
metaphors-4
multis-1
rhymescheme-3
personals-3.5

15.5/25


Drop an honest vote
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108409
__________________