hey, this is a gud poem once you read it a few times, and you also have to understand what that person is going thru... i understand exactly wat ur sayin here. i would try working on structure and not havin so many spaces because the readers eyes dont want to keep trying to find where they're suposed to go, (that would be included in structure) and (this is just a suggestion) try puttin a rhyme scheme to this one in erticular and see how it comes out, it might be a lot betta than u eva thought u kud get it, id love to c this peica afta u improved it, keep it up!! return tha fava!

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