I'ma go wit IceMan on dis one. He had a structure which is somethin till really needs to work on. try to put more in ya stanzas though fa real. but i gotta say you had some nice punches. some of them i found to be quite amusing...

Till u just too elementary. your personals at da beginnin were aight, but they seemed forced and too basic. so thats one thing you need to work on. anotha is ya overall punches. don't just say shit to say it. make sure it makes some typa sense that the reada can follow, and make sure it still pertains to what you talkin bout...wit a lil elevation you be straight do'.

vote-iceman

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