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Old 02-01-04, 06:56 PM   #6
Archival
New to RB
 
Posts: 88
IP:

The flow and rhyme scheme fo the first part was ill. The description was vivid. I was really feeling it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lirael One
Regardless of the previous night, & them being dead close
To the father, she was just another notch on his bed post
Music was his first love .. and his gift in the art
.. to exist with the stars, has them drifting apart ..


^This part was hot. The part about a notch on the bed post, and music being the first love, could have come right out of my life.(not saying i would abandon my baby's mother though)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lirael One
The mother spent the next few months juggling her options
& decided when the time came, to put it up for adoption
This was the worst she'd felt. Having to give up her own son
.. But figured it was probably for the best in the long run ..
How wrong she was, the reason this is easy to state's cause
Ive witnessed this first hand. I was the child they gave up.
D'you know how it felt ?.. alone .. scared and worse,
Growing up in a hostle, no clue who your parents were?
Ive no beaming rays of light, Nothing here'll change my mind
They day the condom broke, was the worst day of my life.

^That part was so fucking ill. Every line was hot. This is definately one of the better pieces I've read. I hope to see more of your work.
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