wit da first spit wonda kidd wants all attention/ my flow incredidle risin up like a bridge suspension/ im leavin red marks on dis kids cheek like a teacher test correction/ this aint a hook up site so im not lookin for a pussy but dis kidd givin me an erection/ lil advice homeboy u wanna run wit da big boiis don't come in wit panda bear affection/ im burnin dis kid up my flow makin his heart react to internal combustion/ when im done dis kid head gonna be spinnin/ im like barry sanders n im runnin criss crosses ova dis kid to start winning/ im untouchable burying this kid in a rap fite n my clothes aint got 1 crease in em/ he aint ready to b struk wit a flow that strikes out like rattlesnake venom/
^oK first off your structure is fucked.....you need to to do shit vertically not horizontially....second off your verse is mostly filler i'll paste all the filler lines for you here..
im untouchable burying this kid in a rap fite n my clothes aint got 1 crease in em/
^ok i'll change my original comment you don't have alot of filler you have alot of shitty multis...i'm nice so i'll paste em all....

im like barry sanders n im runnin criss crosses ova dis kid to start winning....
he aint ready to b struk wit a flow that strikes out like rattlesnake venom/
__^these here are bad sorry dog stay off that shit...
The rest of your verse was ok i saw....one punch....and 1 good multi.....notbad....



This kids quick to mention he's in need of attention,
probably cause at home he got no affection,
^Weak punch....not good come harder...more personal....
a reflection of why this kid's so damn defensive,
apprehensive, scared to let people near him,
walkin around with the misconception people fear him,
^beh ...its kinda multied..but its rhyme is off.....
did you hear him?? This kids got a heart condition,
spittin like a soldier with no mission, listen your hits is missin
my puches keep rippin till im sure you're not livin,
^agian too many multis and not enough punches......
im not vivid, but i make sure you're not breathing,
this KiDd$$ aint even on my level fuck it............
I'm Leaving............
^this is an ok punch but really in order to use it you had to have a better verse...gonna go with Wonda on this one peace.........

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