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Originally Posted by Primal Riot
can i please get some feedback on this piece?
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Sure
This peice was decent. The flow was good. The topic shifted a bit but it was still good. Rhyme scheme was a bit basic.
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Originally Posted by Primal Riot
for the kids who struggle just to wake up and face reality,
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^That part was ill
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Originally Posted by Primal Riot
The more we ignore the poor the more villans we create,
out of our own greed we breathe life into the criminally insane,
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^Very nice
This was nice. Just make the rhyme scheme a little more complex and take away the chorus(i never understood a chorus in text).