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IP:
iight
Maybe could of had a bit more feelings on this one dawg...
You had some decent vocab in this piece... The flow was on in most places...
The only thing you need to do to inprove on it {for part II}...
Is that you need to work on the way that you get your ideas across in your writing... Get more feeling in it...
Overall a decent piece here dawg... Keep it up and work on those points... pz
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