Since no one will tell you what to do to improve i'll help you out a bit....Work on everything....dont structure it in paragraph form like that...put it line on top of line so its structured good and try keeping the lines around the same syllabals so it helps the flow out....also try adding some multies...and if you need more help go to the forum that says Wackness Emergency Center..There is tutorials in there and stuff like that...keep at it.