whoa...this was really ill man.
the flow was flawless, first of all, I whipped right through it.
Your use of internal rhyming was really really good.
your format is basic, but it makes for a nice read.
the topic was a little bit played, but you titled it originally, which is cool.
Your wordplay was nice, i really liked it.
You managed to touch on all the aspects while still keeping the piece short.
I think you might want to put a bit more of a spin on things so that it makes the read more interesting, and try to make your writers voice stronger, because that way it will leave more of an impact on readers.
respect.

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Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis