Apathy: opener
Quote:
Wow another Rap Battles virgin to torment, how exciting...
You wanna' fuck wit' me but suffer from performance anxiety...
Decidedly, you should abort this battle you know you lost it...
Truth is you couldn't flow if you were poured from a faucet...
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It was a decent open, except it really didn't catch or hit til the 3rd 4th line
Jamie: open
Quote:
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Niggas in the church say: kill whitey all night long. . . . the white man is the devil. . . . the CRIPS and Bloods are soldiers I'm recruiting with no dispute; drive-by shooting on this white genetic mutant. . .
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this was a decent open, lacked structure(hard to read and get what you mean by it)
it had flow length to it, but it needed to be STRUCTURED
Gotta give the open to Apathy
Middle of Apathy's verse
Quote:
You're a closet, homosexual torn from my caustic rhyme pages...
I'm glad we're battlin' textual because your wackness is contagious...
Phrases like 'spacious' come to mind when refering to the spaces...
Not only in your rhymes, but the spot where your brain is...
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I liked this it had flow going, had multies, had structure (coulda been a lil longer)
But bottom line it went together and carried to me nice (coulda had a lil more vocab.)
Middle of Jamie's verse:
Quote:
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let's go and kill some rednecks. . . . Menace Clan ain't afraid. . . . I got the .380; the homies think I'm crazy because I shot a white baby; I said; I said; I said: kill whitey all night long. . . . a nigga dumping on your white ass; fuck this rap shit, nigga, I'm gonna blast. . . . I beat a white boy to the motherfucking ground. . . .This nigga, i ain't never made a sound. .
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This is where you lost me... could've had dopeness in it, but I couldn't tellcuz of the structure, (where it ended and picked up) bounce, flow
I'd say decent wordplay, vocab etc, but it WOULDN'T MATTER this is a BATTLE
you might have ill vocab, wordplay, etc but it AIN'T SHIT if the on lookers can't feel it
on the vibe you mean it work on that (STRUCTURE)
Close
Apathy's close:
Quote:
Or was, because honestly I can't pretend that I didn't notice...
It's just that your so porous that I had to let you know this...
All said and done I hope that you continue to write...
Seriously though, you're toy, I was just being polite!
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Decent ending, coulda been better but it's flow still was smooth,
cuz of the structure, multies, etc'
Jamie's close:
Quote:
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think you can beat me, shit, ill kill all you fools, im like a nigga been takin E's. . .hey Apathy. . .u hear me, your name sound like it just come from a chemist. . .shit im just playin you fool, yeah i said you waz cool. . .
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Wow.. see same thing as I said bout middle of your verse
WE NEED TO FEEL IT IN BACK FORTH FASHION
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ETC
I got to give this to Apathy
But in closing I will say this
you BOTH lacked PUNCHES and PERSONALS
This was a BATTLE that is what ya'll should'a been doing
so try to elevate before next battle
Either way, you BOTH can take this battle as a lesson
Just giving an honest opinion
do the same