"are the people in this forum allergic to talent? fucking read and rate this."
if it's not a admin or mod or something posting it, it gets slept on....stupid really.

--[Flow]---
Flow, i felt, was off in soem places...you need more line internals to make it work....even though the inner words had complexity they rhymes seemed a little basic, not by someone of your calibre.

"i'm a dead man, aint nothing your boys can do to me/
stab me or shoot at me, you know its useless, see?/" - didn't work for me...seemed forced.

--[Vocab]--
Vocab was good in some places, but was a little weak in others...i.e:
"he gasped and shuddered, proceeded to drop the hook/" - good...
"you tell me where your friends are, i'll give you clearance,for real/" not so good...

Try to expand it a bit more, especially for story-telling pieces like this one, gives it more depth.

--[Concept]--
Thought the concept was dope...like the way your spiltting it up, means you arn't rushing it all into one verse or whatever, you know...dope....liked the way you had an intro bit at the beginning...help me to understand it more.

--[Overall]--
Was pretty good...although work on the points i mentioned above & pt.3 will be pure dopeness...expected more from this though...3/5...