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Old 02-09-04, 03:22 AM   #5
Pariah
New to RV
 
Posts: 56
Knightmare vs Demonhunter

IP:

I don't have enough posts to officially vote, but here's my thoughts anyways:

Flow: Demonhunter: Your shit didn't flow very well. I get what you
were trying do, but I think you were trying to be too complex.
You should start off by using a simpler structure, like rhyming
the words at the end of each sentence. By trying to be too
complex, your shit didn't really flow well and was hard to read.
Seperate each line and try and make them the same length, i.e.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx....
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx....
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx....
This would really help; not only with flow but its just easier to
read.

Knightmare: Pretty good flow here, maybe a little too wordy in
some spots, but still good. The multis also
helped it flow nicely.

Punches/ Personals: Demonhunter: Punches were weak and didn't
hit very hard. To write a good punch, your going
to have to be more creative with the content
and wording. You should also stay away from
sex/gay punches, cause' they are seriously
played an wont get you many votes. As for
personals, they also came weak and far too
played/uncreative. I saw that you tried to
flip his name, but it was very weak and uninspired
Be more creative: check your opponenets profile,
and try to use stuff like his name,record,bio,
intrests, etc. against him. Also be more direct and
try not to talk about yourself.

Knightmare: Decent job with the punches and
personals. Not bad with the creativity, a few lines
felt played though, I.e. the jack off line. Good
personal about your guys last battle and his name
but would have liked to see more of them.

Vocab: Nothing special from either, but Knight's shit flowed good
so i'd say it was less of a concern for him than Demon'.

Creativity: Knightmare you just came off way more creative than
Demon' w/ the entire verse. Demon' your verse lacked
any real creativity to make it standout. Again try to
be more creative and stay away from the sex/gay punches.

Overall: Not a very good battle. Demon', you need some serious work
on your punches,personals,structure,and above all your
creativity. Don't try to get too complex wit' yer shit. Punches
and personals win battles, so just be more creative/direct.
Knightmare, not the best verse, but it got the job done.
Some alright creativity here, but punches could have hit harder
and you could have used more personals. This one
wasn't hard to decide , my vote (if I could officially vote)
would go to: Knightmare
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