okay, your rhyming and internals and multies are all fairly decent....this didn't seem to flow to me. I thought that you put so much emphasis on the rhyming and rhyme scheme that your flow died a horrible horrible death. And your content was garbage. Try writing about something that takes some thought as opposed to something I can hear on MTV. Your writers voice was weak also. If you write about things that matter to you, your writers voice will come across as stronger.

Now change your name before I get E-Pink Belly yoo!

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Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis