at first when i started reading this the structure and rhyme scheme threw me off, it was forced and choppy, but you sorta made up for that with the story, kept it interesting, and used pretty good detail, can always add more thou. your thoughts read well, didnt make it so it jumped all around, it was understand able, and was interesting. thought the opener could have been more strong. vocab can be improved. just work on the rhyme scheme, and the structure, and you will have drop dead pieces.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

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