i found that the slang writting took away from the piece also a bit, its alright once and awhile throu a piece, but every second word gets to be a bit much. i too found you were holding yourself back. you chose a strong, powerful topic and put no emotion into it, none that i could see throu this piece at least. its a good building piece, try adding detail, emotion, just some more flavor. make it more interesting, drag ppl into it. the structure and rhyme scheme should be worked on, up your vocab, and dress up the content a bit and this would be awsome.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

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