aight
Word Definate : wasnt really feelin your verse - right off the bat the flow seemed real slow and dragged and there was no real fealing in any of those lines - your rhyme scheme was kinda off - i dunno - me personally i wouldnt of dropped this in OM
chorus was real Blah - the slashes just kill me - i mean this is a piece and it just makes it look sloppy and newbish - and the double spacing is awful -
ELEETE : what i appreciate in your verse is that you have like a direct connect to it - i mean i can tell your feelings for your father by reading it - which is real good - the wording tho was kind of - umm.. blah - some good lines but alot of them ive heard variations of in the 5000000+ songs about fathers who walked out on them - i guess id tell you to get more original -
overall - a pretty blah peice - definitly potential with the topic but it really needs to be cleaned up - maybe you two just dont collab together well cuz i know ive seen alot better from ELEETE at least
props anyway for doin your thing
and maybe yall could hit this up
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=113500