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Flyweight
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IP:
Well told story - minor structure issues - saw a few lines that needed to be evened - but nice overall. One thing is that some lines were phrased awkwardly to make them rhyme - that's it for the critic. I like the way you split it up and gave the different viewpoints. I think you could have elaborated just a bit more so there wouldn't be any questions left over about motives and what not. I mean once you've already written 150 lines or so a few more won't hurt. I know I said I was done criticizing - Nice piece - if you get a chance hit my "Broken Metamorphosis"
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