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Flyweight
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IP:
Ignore Freeman - that's his standard greeting to posters who aren't telling stories. Some nice lines there and a good understanding of how to rhyme. Keep the hunger - you should have continued your form that you started with instead of closing with the gangsta stuff. Top 2/3 is alright - bottom third just doesn't go with what you started. Keep writing. Hit my "Broken Metamorphosis" if you can.
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