P - structure makes it nigh on impossible to flow.. seperate ya lines by pressin 'enter' rather than jus puttin a /.. ur also usin too many words so the punch runs dry before ya finish it.. be more concise an expand ya vocab.. keep elevatin.. an im jus tryna help so dont hate..

B - clearly a much better structure.. made it easier to read.. had alot of useless punches in there tho.. come up wiv wittier or harder concepts fa ya metas.. but uv got the rite idea.. closer was ok if not a lil played.. u done enuff to win tho..

VoTe = Brethren

Drop a vote here a.s.a.p:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112698

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