this was a nice piece...the content was really really dope.
It managed to highlight so many things wrong with society without going in depth about very many...I can't tell if thats good or bad, but it was nice to read none the less.
Your flow was alright, but it was a little choppy in places...you have really nice vocab...not so much that it clogs the piece, but enough that you don't look like an idiot.
My only suggestion would be to develope your own style...something that someone can read and tell that it is you, just by how it is written.
good piece =)

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Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis