Hum, i really liked this. I think if it would've been me i woud've done something a bit different than the rhyme scheme but it was a solid read, a lot of good concepts. The flow was good. My only real complaint was that it seemed a bit too stream of conscious, you kind of delved off sometimes instead of keeping the structure of concepts tight. That's more of a choice of style really but if there was some structure scheme or motifs that unified and appeared in the peace throughout maybe it'd improve a bit. I'm just a stickler for organization though, I've written far too many essays. I'm becoming a fan of yours (though clearly less vocal than those who frequent Legends pushing your pieces...lol) and i liked seeing you branch out from your usual surreal style, attempting pieces rooted in realism will definitely help your writing a lot. It's good to try new things, your writing will becoming stronger and more compact in the end because of it. I liked the part about vets being through flames in their threads and the part about newbs should try to make their words sing off the screen, that also registered well with me. I think it stands overall and you come across as honest and genuine, this is a dope piece man. Keep writing, i'll keep reading.

And the only reason I really responded is in hopes of appeasing you to christen me with vet status. Haha. : )

Nice work man.

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tobacco pipe smoker
escobar, your life is over
justify the righteous nova
bullets flew out his right shoulder