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Old 02-13-04, 10:37 AM   #13
Mr.Christensen
Fuck You, I Rhyme Better
 
Posts: 2,488
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Eddy...
Nice vocab level...flow was good but that short line in 1st part kinda threw me off as did this line

Our paths crossed & i knew this would last forever & ever..
& the conscientious activity's we intented to get endeavour

i never knew Endeavour could be used in that context, unless im thinking of another word.. good drop here i was just confused as to what you were trying to say. You seem to be going in too many directions at once..

Penny..

Yeah I stayed in your reality, didnt go when outside cats hit your ability
You had the flyest mentality, even with your cravings fo profitability

seemed kinda forced to me.. i guess im just an idiot because you also seem to be going in too many directions...while your content is soley based on a girl it still seems to be going too many places. Try and incorportate some better transitions and you should be good to go

check my sig, i do poetry
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