I can really tell that alot of thought went into this piece....i liked few lines here and there...but a certain areas need to be refined a little bit...places where the flow gets al little choppy and hard to follow....like when yu say "We jus' patiently waitin', for a chance, we ragin'//
Ourselves, we ratin', with our eyes dilating, envisioning pictures like a still~life painting//"....and "I condemn my friends at night, amen, this is deep, comin' from were my poetry stems//
I pick up the mic, spit nothin' but flem, ahem, all these people you down with, but you never knew 'em//"....im not gonna rewrite your sh*t..(nor do you want me to)...but if this is a first draft...try to think about staying consistent..and staying on topic when you rewrite this yourself...

Also work on your metaphors and similes....when it comes to this, I dont believe that they have to be incredibly deep to be effective, but something like "We magic like beanstalks" is not hitting hard....its like do it right or dont do it at all you know????......any way...keep it up....im out (AND RETURN THE FAVOR BY HITTIN UP MY OPEN MIC ON MY SIGNATURE)

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