Flyweight
|
IP:
ok piece - I can't decide whether I liked the randomness of your thoughts as a picture of your mind or if you should've stuck more to one topic. Flow was pretty good - maybe a little work but it was nice mostly. Vocab was ok but could use some elevation. I think you should of ended this piece a little sooner - looked like you were running out of thoughts towards the end. If you're reaching for a line count but aren't really feeling anything at the time, just wait until you think of something else to say - filler really kills a piece. Ok piece overall - hit something in my sig - preferably Broken Metamorphosis if you haven't already.
|