I'm not one to be harsh with criticism. So I'll stay with helping.

Unwritten- You need to start thinking outside the box... Don't use concepts that are common because common concepts WILL be played. You have potential though. Re word your lines until they sound perfect and try to keep each line the same length. Work on your structure as well. Don't use //s "s *s or any other symbols.

illtalic- Same with you.. think outside the box.. I see you were trying to get witty with a few concepts but they were all easy to think of and too common. They were all played. Your structure wasn't bad but you've been here long enough now and you need to break loose from these n00bs. Start reading elite battles and try to get in LLL after you elevate. Battling in Front Lines will not help you.

My vote goes to illtalic because he had better concept ideas and harder punches. Both came weak and both came played but illtalics punches were harder.

V/ illtalic

__________________
Respect is all I'm after.
Prime effort is all you can expect.
Perfection will be promised in time.

The Creation