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Old 02-17-04, 12:35 AM   #3
SMZ
Flyweight
 
Posts: 102
From: Charleston, SC
IP:

Ok - I'd like to see you bring more similies and metaphors - you had a few. Lines like:
"you's a wannabe like one of those american idol
cant rhyme, or sing cant believe you aint suicidal"
hit harder than mere threat lines like:
"leave you swimmin wit the fishes throw ya hoes in the ditches
no room for snitches or those low-class bytches"
Flow was pretty good - I think it got better as you went along. Vocab could use some improvement in my opinion. You show potential though - ok piece. Hit something in my sig, preferably Broken Metamorphosis if you haven't yet.
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