This reminds me of some song by Mos Def I was listening to on the way home from work just a minute ago. Not because of the content or anything. Just cause of how you were starting it with "Sometimes" a lot.

Anyways, it wasn't bad. I wasn't really following the story or whatever though. Kinda jumped around. Looks like you were just in a bad mood and started writing what came into your head. That's how it happens sometimes. Keep writing and posting them up.