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New to RB
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IP:
Nice emotion dawg. Structure and flow was off like u said it would be, so i won't touch that in anyway cause you alrdy recongnized that(why wouldn't you you wrote it after all lol)
N e ways emotion is always great to see in any piece. I hate reading stuff that just bores me to death cause there's no emotion so good lookin on ur part.
I really don't have much to say about this piece except for the structure and lack of flow, and there's not many quotables in there. Maybe next drop will be hot? If so send me a link, and I'll break it down for yah.
If ya'll don't believe me about breakin down a piece go ask spul or check his suicidal drop haha shit toke me hella long to do.
We'll ok maybe I can say a FEW things about this drop lol.
Mostly this topic/subject/concept is overly played for years and years now. This wasn't creative in any way shape or form i swear i'v seen this piece done a million times before, and shit never changes it usually ends up in a bad state at the end i.e. the person kills himself kills the girl, or they just break it off, and usually it's because of fighting or cheating so not so good looking on ur part there. Dun get me wrong tho I know your venting, and getting shit off ur chest, but venting shit can be turned into something really fucking raw and great. Don't let venting be the reason why us readers have to struggle to get through ur rhymes.
Um some advise try and slow down, and think for a sec when ur venting, and listening to that beat. I could see that ur holding shit back in that verse it seems like you wanted to say something, but you couldn't get it on paper hmmmm what was it I wonder. Word usage was fairly par nothing above or below average for a piece like this.
Another word of advice. I know we all go through this fuckign elevating processes shit I still am for awhile to come now, but if ur going to do something this played atleast flip it up, and try to make it origonal as u can. There is nothing like bettering every1 at there own game man just keep spitting raw emotion, and use that venting into something good also slow down reread, and make sure u get what u really want to say out there it's important.
don't hate just crit.
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