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Old 04-13-04, 12:41 AM   #6
MisterE21
New to RB
 
Posts: 32
From: Salt Lake City, Utah
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Alright, I'm gonna give it to WildFire...

Sickers verse lacked real flow; it read okay, if you didn't really pay any attention to the rhythm (or, rather, lack thereof). "don't even respond to this rhyme you can't come back/cause your rhymes are nothin but wack" First Line: 12 syllables / Second line: 8 syllables. Hard to flow disparate lines like that with any amount of flow. "I'm like the devil i steal your soul/after you drop it's gonna say 5-0 on the poll" that's a strong line, but then he slips into: "cause it's a knockout you can't keep me from winnin/if bad raps were sin you'd go to hell for sinnin" That last line is so...redundant. "cause it's a knockout you can't keep me from winnin/if bad raps were sin you'd go to hell for sinnin" Speaking of redundant, this rhyme is just purely wack. I understand you're playing on the word "vet" and it's mulitple meanings...but rhyming a word with the same word? To me, that's just lazy. Finally, in my opinion, "your moms" lines are so played out it's not even worth discussing...

WildFire's verse doesn't flow perfectly, but it does flow better and the punchlines are more clever. "your right I am a dog and now I'm gonna bite you/piss carousine on you to mark my territory, than i'll lite you/" strong opener, referencing the first verse (which is, in my opinion, the strongest way to open a response). The rhythm of the first line is a little bit tough, but forgivable. "why is it you don't like my style? i'll tell you why, it's jealousy/cause i can hear you over there hummin to this melody/" That's a strong diss with a strong rhythm. I really dig it. "I don't need 10 bars but i'll do it regardless/swingin at me will leave with scarred fists/" That's the weakest couplet in the entire verse which, I suppose, is okay because you basically stated that you didn't need those last lines...but still, I would try to end on something really really strong, even if it's not necessary.

E
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...Mister E...

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