Ok, personally I think this is the one of the weaker poems you've written (I think I've read all the other ones). Although flow certainly isn't the same in poetry as rap, the thing still feels a little clunky in spots, though I suppose it might just be the way I'm reading it. Also, it felt a little odd, the first two lines in the first stanza seem better suited for the second stanza, although perhaps I'm missing something (never been all that great with poetry
). The last four lines of the first stanza were very nice though. In the fourth line, second stanza, I wish you had done more with the river.. I mean the whole "water" thing is a very strong tool in poetry, and you could have more than just "The River." The third stanza was nice, but the last line felt out of place and a little clunky. I liked the ending a lot though.
Nice poem, surely, but I think it could use a little bit of cleaning up. Like I said though, you probably know more about poetry than I do.. so feel free to explain some of the stuff or ask for more feedback.
Peace.