Ok, I guess I hadn't read this one yet. Just want to preface this by saying its just my opinion, its what you like in your poetry that matters most. So anyway:
I liked the repitition thing you had going early on, but I think it would have been made stronger if you kept the lines at about 2/3 the length, as it is it loses some of the force.
That said, I very much like the message of the poem, as it is one I can relate to (I think). I'm working on something of a similiar, if less dark, poem right now.. probably not going to be finished though (:sigh
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Also, I know that poems don't have to strictly rhyme, but I think a little bit of rhyming keeps it moving nicely, and this one feels a little clunky. It's nice to the extent that it adds to the sort of aura of the poem.. but still. I think you could certainly work on structuring the poem slightly better so that it flows off the tounge a little nicer, though the message itself is very nice.
Peace.