My first 'critisizm' would be of your spelling. It's not a big deal, but it just makes your work look much more amateurish. (That also includes using things like b4, st8, u, eva, and so on,)
Other then that it was okay, i guess. You're just too net-gangster with it. You know what i mean? Cause as far as we know, you're just some 9-year skinny white kid who wants to be like his favourite rappers.
If you are going to stick with the net-gangster style, there's a better way of doing it. I remember reading one tutorial that said something like this.
Quote:
Instead of saying ... I Kill Bitches!
Say ... Murder the Mascara Wearing Masses.
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Anyway, good to see you posting. No hate.