Alright, its like this. Denounced, stop typing a bar as one continuous line, it makes it hard to see the rhyme.. just type it as two lines. A line is usually 8-15 syllables, each of yours is like around 25, so just cut it in half, make it easy to read. Other than that, nice verse, you had 4 pretty strong punches, original rhymes, pretty decent vocab.

Demo man.. work on punches, vocab, rhyming, flow and structure. Like I said, a line is like 8-15 sylables, and every two lines should rhyme. just keep that in mind when you writing.

V/ Den

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