man im dissapointed in the sort of replies on this side of rb.

babes i thought this was more of a piece written just to get a story/message/feelings out. it didnt seem to focus around structure, rhyming or anything else really. thou it still was a smooth read really i think it needs to be bumped up a little structure wise. the story thou i thought you showed well, could be more details and descripitions but the simpleness kept it good too.

T

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