personnaly i dont find the rhyme scheme all that attractive, it gets really old really fast. i liked the one line at the end of each stanza it made it strong and bold, stood out and made you take in and understand the point of those words. i felt it could use more detail, descripition, more color to it. you have to paint a picture for us with the words and make us see, feel, taste and smell it.work on metas and similies

T

__________________