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Old 05-22-04, 07:44 AM   #18
.::N-Sight::.
GrOwN aSs MaN
 
.::N-Sight::.'s Avatar
 
Posts: 995
IP:

I Perserve My Mind For Those Who Are To Become..
I Write To Inspire The Youth, The Future To Come..
I Acknowledge The Truth and Twist It To My Benifit..
To Insure My Spot In History, So That I Get Credited..

^^ very focused and direct...nicely written


Instant Gratification, Heart Full Of Emotion and Pride..
Instant Pacification, No More Stealing, Death, Or Lies..
Instant Creation, I've Sparked and Ignited The Genius Mind..
The Student Of Hip-Hop, Who Understands The Potential..


^^ nice use of repetition...a personal fav. of mine in writing

I Now See The Destined Path For Us To Follow and Run..
I Have Finished My Life Journey and My Job Is Now Done..
I Have Perserved My Mind For My Son Who Has Become..
The Lyrical Prism Holder For Those Who Are To Come..

^^ nice closing..almost an epic type feel

Rhyming 7/10
FLow 7/10
Lyrics 9/10


Comin home from work, I see my daughter’s face, its perfect…
It’s what I live for in the world, after my wife’s car wrecked…
She still doesn’t know, to her, mom is away on a business trip…
What I forgot to tell her was that she only has a one way ticket…


^^ another story telling type vibe...nice


She sighs and walks away, I cant keep on doing this to her…
But it will hurt her so much, ideas in my mind started to concur…
What if I faked a divorce, maybe terrorists, nah this will never work…
But is it worth a shot, if I fail she’ll no the truth and then she’ll hurt…

^ good emotion


She was sitting next to me crying, was it something I said?...
Later I found out that the doctors had brought up records and broke the news…
Said she forgives me, but I know, deep down on her heart, I left a permanent bruise…


^^^ deep dawg


Rhyme 7/10
FLow 7/10
Lyrics 8/10

Vote: Rest. I place a premium on imagery and Rest. comes with it best here


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